It is okay to lose:
Moroni 7:43: Lose and you shall win
43 And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be ameek, and lowly of heart.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Sometimes you Lose
Winning is a part of my DNA. My over-competitiveness is a liability when I am unable to relate to others who are suffering set-backs. When I am not winning I am bored. I get frustrated when others do not share my vision of efficiency and excellence.
In medschool people like me were called "gunners" because they would shoot others down.
Obviously I can do better. I need compassion, love, patience, understanding, and a willingness to see life in a better light.
I have found this patience through losing. I have recently lost a discussion with the entire surgery center about how a time-out should be done when starting surgery. I have lost the past 3 years trying to negotiate a business purchase for my practice (there is still hope we can work things out). I started 2 businesses the past 3 years that failed (Eye Ventures in advertising, Eye Ventures in equipment, Eye Ventures 40 websites that aren't producing traffic).
I choose to lose when the personal cost of a friendship is too high. I choose to lose when my ethics are in jeopardy and I need to let my morals win. I choose to lose when my family time is jeopardized.
I took donuts to the staff at the surgery center today on my return to show them I was okay with losing. I am over the loss, and I am sorry I made them feel poorly for them ganging up on me, I am sure they felt it necessary for a better way of patient care, which I felt unnecessary.
Here is a list of scriptural accounts of those who felt loss, who actually lost, who were losers at something:
Jonah: ran away from God into a whale!
Nephi: lamented his weakness (2 Ne 4)
broke his bow
brothers ran away in Promised Land
tied up by brothers on the ship he built
Peter the Rock, denied the Savior 3 times
Road to Emmaus didn't know it was the Savior
Oliver Cowdery Had a hard time translating
Martin Harris Lost 116 pages of ancient scripture history of Book of Mormon
Joseph Smith Rebuked by Lord for losing manuscript
Phelps Left the church and came back
Brigham Young Adam-God Theory - what was that?
Pres. Hinckley The Salamander Letters were a fake, hard to know that
Steve Young Played football on Sundays
Dave Woods Too many to list
It is okay to lose sometimes. Try your best, win when you can, but don't get too over anxious if you're human. Don't keep chronically making the same bad decision - get a 12 step program or something, but it's normal to have failure. Failure means you're trying to do something. We fail always before we succeed.
Losing can be good for you
Think of the Nephite Cycle
Prosperity, Pride, Wickedness --> Fall, humility, repentance, love, charity, kindness
Nephites in bondage, Mosiah 20's, to wicked king Noah, repented and were all baptized and freed.
Think of Moroni
Bad in writing Ether 12:20's
Ether 12:27 --> humility brings us to be strengthened by the Lord
In medschool people like me were called "gunners" because they would shoot others down.
Obviously I can do better. I need compassion, love, patience, understanding, and a willingness to see life in a better light.
I have found this patience through losing. I have recently lost a discussion with the entire surgery center about how a time-out should be done when starting surgery. I have lost the past 3 years trying to negotiate a business purchase for my practice (there is still hope we can work things out). I started 2 businesses the past 3 years that failed (Eye Ventures in advertising, Eye Ventures in equipment, Eye Ventures 40 websites that aren't producing traffic).
I choose to lose when the personal cost of a friendship is too high. I choose to lose when my ethics are in jeopardy and I need to let my morals win. I choose to lose when my family time is jeopardized.
I took donuts to the staff at the surgery center today on my return to show them I was okay with losing. I am over the loss, and I am sorry I made them feel poorly for them ganging up on me, I am sure they felt it necessary for a better way of patient care, which I felt unnecessary.
Here is a list of scriptural accounts of those who felt loss, who actually lost, who were losers at something:
Jonah: ran away from God into a whale!
Nephi: lamented his weakness (2 Ne 4)
broke his bow
brothers ran away in Promised Land
tied up by brothers on the ship he built
Peter the Rock, denied the Savior 3 times
Road to Emmaus didn't know it was the Savior
Oliver Cowdery Had a hard time translating
Martin Harris Lost 116 pages of ancient scripture history of Book of Mormon
Joseph Smith Rebuked by Lord for losing manuscript
Phelps Left the church and came back
Brigham Young Adam-God Theory - what was that?
Pres. Hinckley The Salamander Letters were a fake, hard to know that
Steve Young Played football on Sundays
Dave Woods Too many to list
It is okay to lose sometimes. Try your best, win when you can, but don't get too over anxious if you're human. Don't keep chronically making the same bad decision - get a 12 step program or something, but it's normal to have failure. Failure means you're trying to do something. We fail always before we succeed.
Losing can be good for you
Think of the Nephite Cycle
Prosperity, Pride, Wickedness --> Fall, humility, repentance, love, charity, kindness
Nephites in bondage, Mosiah 20's, to wicked king Noah, repented and were all baptized and freed.
Think of Moroni
Bad in writing Ether 12:20's
Ether 12:27 --> humility brings us to be strengthened by the Lord
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Sometimes you Lose
This is a great idea for a book. How do you deal with getting the short end. How do you bounce back. You are given a decision that is wrong, not good, you don't agree with it, may be bad for the company, etc., but you need the job. You need to get along and stay positive in that environment. You are extremely competitive but you lost this round.
Just remember: sometimes you lose. It's okay. You lost this round. Everybody is a good person you work with, they may be wrong and that is okay. Your best interest lies in getting along, being productive, taking care of your family and loved ones, succeeding long term - give up this round. It's okay. It's a 12 round fight. This fight might be only training for the next fight, career, or day.
Just remember: sometimes you lose. It's okay. You lost this round. Everybody is a good person you work with, they may be wrong and that is okay. Your best interest lies in getting along, being productive, taking care of your family and loved ones, succeeding long term - give up this round. It's okay. It's a 12 round fight. This fight might be only training for the next fight, career, or day.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Simplify Your Work Life
Simplify Your Work Life
by Elaine St. James
The author puts together a nice collection of strategies to avoid being or feeling frenzied in life, and rebuild a sense of direction or purpose through decisive trimming of ones focus or activities.
Sect.1: Cutting back on the amount of time you work
-- take a sabbatical, --take time to think, --
Sect.2: Learning to seize time
-- get a jump on tomorrow, --summarize and review your night, --, let your subconscious solve your hard problems for you while you sleep and write down the answers in the morning,
-- learn to schedule carefully, -- put an extra day in your vacation, -- learn to grasp information quickly, --get organized, -- make decisions quickly, -- body testing techniquie 'go through the doors'
Sect. 3: Being more productive
-- eliminate distractions, --set apart productivity time, -- bring your full attention to work, -- take your lunch break, take naps if necessary, --when you're overwhelmed stop, stop all day if necessary and you have the courage, you will make up the time later easily once effective. --
-- work with an inner smile (don't let it show, but use it outwardly when necessary when faced with something negative, daunting, suddenly surprising, or risk-bearing.
-- stop procrastinating to to challenge yourself, just get it done, -- employ all your senses.
-- day dream with intention to employ your subconscious in solving a difficult problem (Einstein's technique),
-- give yourself a thump for more energy, alertness --> pinch 2nd rib, sternum, tap thymus while breathing deeply
-- put your subconscious to work while you sleep
--get a life: nature, service, recycle, contribute, theatre or arts, hobby, sleep well, have fun.
Sect. 4: Being more effective with People
-- speak up: coach others how to treat you so you can have your space, efficiency, priorities met, etc.
--Learn boundary setting guidelines: "No thanks", "get back to you later on that", "find a good time to discuss . . . ", should be casually able to discuss your boundaries,
-- find out why you say yes to people . . . does it make sense for your priorities too?
-- ask people not to ask before they ask you.
--work effectively with your boss: your boss cares about 20% of your activities the most, but you may spend 80% of time doing other things. why not find out what the 20% is and focus and improve on it the most?
-- avoid negative speaking about any person, it puts you in a bad light no matter what or with whom.
-- breathe into it: to relax stress, tension, or headache, breathe out while you focus on the tense spot and it will de-stress.
Sect. 5: Being more efficient with your money
-- live beneath your means, save 20%, reinvest earnings into the principal, -- realize that people are not their belongings, clothes, or property.
Sect. 6: Changing the Way you Work
-- find a friendly work place, --cut down on your hours or convince your boss on telecommuting,
Sect. 7: Changing the Way you think about Work
-- avoid long commutes at all costs. a 1 hour commute daily is 3 years of your life lost over 40 years.
I liked this book because it puts you in control of your decisions. It helps you regain self-confidence and tells you where you got sold down the river to be in your current mess of a miserable life. Who needs a miserable life? Who wants other people to control their happiness? Decide to build your own. Take control now so years later your life is under your direction. You will always have to manage complexity and risk, but do it under your terms, maximizing your talents and passions in the way you desire and is rewarding for you. This may require some sacrifice, effort, patience to get there, but decide now that it is possible, and you will immediately start cutting back others disorganization and chaos.
by Elaine St. James
The author puts together a nice collection of strategies to avoid being or feeling frenzied in life, and rebuild a sense of direction or purpose through decisive trimming of ones focus or activities.
Sect.1: Cutting back on the amount of time you work
-- take a sabbatical, --take time to think, --
Sect.2: Learning to seize time
-- get a jump on tomorrow, --summarize and review your night, --, let your subconscious solve your hard problems for you while you sleep and write down the answers in the morning,
-- learn to schedule carefully, -- put an extra day in your vacation, -- learn to grasp information quickly, --get organized, -- make decisions quickly, -- body testing techniquie 'go through the doors'
Sect. 3: Being more productive
-- eliminate distractions, --set apart productivity time, -- bring your full attention to work, -- take your lunch break, take naps if necessary, --when you're overwhelmed stop, stop all day if necessary and you have the courage, you will make up the time later easily once effective. --
-- work with an inner smile (don't let it show, but use it outwardly when necessary when faced with something negative, daunting, suddenly surprising, or risk-bearing.
-- stop procrastinating to to challenge yourself, just get it done, -- employ all your senses.
-- day dream with intention to employ your subconscious in solving a difficult problem (Einstein's technique),
-- give yourself a thump for more energy, alertness --> pinch 2nd rib, sternum, tap thymus while breathing deeply
-- put your subconscious to work while you sleep
--get a life: nature, service, recycle, contribute, theatre or arts, hobby, sleep well, have fun.
Sect. 4: Being more effective with People
-- speak up: coach others how to treat you so you can have your space, efficiency, priorities met, etc.
--Learn boundary setting guidelines: "No thanks", "get back to you later on that", "find a good time to discuss . . . ", should be casually able to discuss your boundaries,
-- find out why you say yes to people . . . does it make sense for your priorities too?
-- ask people not to ask before they ask you.
--work effectively with your boss: your boss cares about 20% of your activities the most, but you may spend 80% of time doing other things. why not find out what the 20% is and focus and improve on it the most?
-- avoid negative speaking about any person, it puts you in a bad light no matter what or with whom.
-- breathe into it: to relax stress, tension, or headache, breathe out while you focus on the tense spot and it will de-stress.
Sect. 5: Being more efficient with your money
-- live beneath your means, save 20%, reinvest earnings into the principal, -- realize that people are not their belongings, clothes, or property.
Sect. 6: Changing the Way you Work
-- find a friendly work place, --cut down on your hours or convince your boss on telecommuting,
Sect. 7: Changing the Way you think about Work
-- avoid long commutes at all costs. a 1 hour commute daily is 3 years of your life lost over 40 years.
I liked this book because it puts you in control of your decisions. It helps you regain self-confidence and tells you where you got sold down the river to be in your current mess of a miserable life. Who needs a miserable life? Who wants other people to control their happiness? Decide to build your own. Take control now so years later your life is under your direction. You will always have to manage complexity and risk, but do it under your terms, maximizing your talents and passions in the way you desire and is rewarding for you. This may require some sacrifice, effort, patience to get there, but decide now that it is possible, and you will immediately start cutting back others disorganization and chaos.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Winning Through Intimidation
Winning Through Intimidation
by Robert Ringer
A short, interesting, cynical yet pragmatic tale of one's man journey to wealth. A lowly real estate broker resents his poor treatment and inability to collect money from his clients. Through his humiliation, he resolves to overcome this through a series of intellectual transformations to become the better leveraged conveyor of any negotiation. Through wise marketing, cash flow analysis, and a series of steps he discovers success in commercial real estate is attainable if one views it as a game, understands the rules, and has passion for not getting taken and winning the game.
It's a good read. It helped me understand why I am resenting my volunteer position in church (getting bullied to do others bidding) and what I can do about it (become someone who doesn't get the lower leveraged deal, refuse to be intimidated, ask for what you want, only deal with those willing to help you get what you want, and leave the rest for someone else willing to chase fantasies of success albeit unlikely). I may read this again when I am unable to make tracks in an endeavor or work.
by Robert Ringer
A short, interesting, cynical yet pragmatic tale of one's man journey to wealth. A lowly real estate broker resents his poor treatment and inability to collect money from his clients. Through his humiliation, he resolves to overcome this through a series of intellectual transformations to become the better leveraged conveyor of any negotiation. Through wise marketing, cash flow analysis, and a series of steps he discovers success in commercial real estate is attainable if one views it as a game, understands the rules, and has passion for not getting taken and winning the game.
It's a good read. It helped me understand why I am resenting my volunteer position in church (getting bullied to do others bidding) and what I can do about it (become someone who doesn't get the lower leveraged deal, refuse to be intimidated, ask for what you want, only deal with those willing to help you get what you want, and leave the rest for someone else willing to chase fantasies of success albeit unlikely). I may read this again when I am unable to make tracks in an endeavor or work.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Blink
Blink
by Malcolm Gladwell
This is an interesting book about the subconscious. We process by association. We deny our biases but reaction times and association tests prove faster reactions by race or gender to positive and negative values that embarrass us. But its there. The locked door. The subconscious.
Positive experiences change our subconscious reactions to race, gender, personalities, religions. When we want to open ourselves to them it can become easier.
Psychoanalysis allows us to verbalize experiences in detail and understand consciously experiences such as taste, emotional reaction, relationships, and it frees the subconscious from delayed expression in often unhealthy ways. Psychoanalysis is training the mind to process an experience at the conscious level, uncovering those unconscious reactions -- and freeing one from their possibly unwanted anxiety.
The face is tied to emotional centers in the brain, and the brain is tied to action units of the face that can create emotion. These are possibly an untapped resource in training mood, behavior relationships. In fact, one can detect lying, false motives, hidden contempt, doomed relationships, peaceful or aggressive behavior patterns in group pictures, and understand who one is dealing with quickly from the study of their facial micromovements on film or with practice in life.
Some resources on this study of facial expressions, emotions, and 'mind-reading' see Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen, "Facial Action Coding System Part 1 and 2", UCSF 1978. Dave Grossman's wonderful book, "The Bulletproof Mind: Prevailing in violent encounters . . . and After".
by Malcolm Gladwell
This is an interesting book about the subconscious. We process by association. We deny our biases but reaction times and association tests prove faster reactions by race or gender to positive and negative values that embarrass us. But its there. The locked door. The subconscious.
Positive experiences change our subconscious reactions to race, gender, personalities, religions. When we want to open ourselves to them it can become easier.
Psychoanalysis allows us to verbalize experiences in detail and understand consciously experiences such as taste, emotional reaction, relationships, and it frees the subconscious from delayed expression in often unhealthy ways. Psychoanalysis is training the mind to process an experience at the conscious level, uncovering those unconscious reactions -- and freeing one from their possibly unwanted anxiety.
The face is tied to emotional centers in the brain, and the brain is tied to action units of the face that can create emotion. These are possibly an untapped resource in training mood, behavior relationships. In fact, one can detect lying, false motives, hidden contempt, doomed relationships, peaceful or aggressive behavior patterns in group pictures, and understand who one is dealing with quickly from the study of their facial micromovements on film or with practice in life.
Some resources on this study of facial expressions, emotions, and 'mind-reading' see Paul Ekman and Wallace Friesen, "Facial Action Coding System Part 1 and 2", UCSF 1978. Dave Grossman's wonderful book, "The Bulletproof Mind: Prevailing in violent encounters . . . and After".
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