Urban Meyer Quits football on empty tank 12-26-09

Meyer stepping down as Florida football coach
Two-time national championship coach, 45, resigning for health reasons
Image: Urban Meyer
Chris Graythen / Getty Images
Urban Meyer led the Florida Gators to national championships in 2006 and 2008.



GAINESVILLE, Fla. - While his coaching successes mounted and his tough-as-nails reputation grew, Urban Meyer admits there was one thing he didn’t pay much attention to — his health.

That hit home when chest pains sent him to the hospital after Alabama beat his Florida Gators in the Southeastern Conference championship game on Dec. 5.

And so on Saturday, exactly three weeks later, the 45-year-old Meyer shook all of college football by saying he was stepping down. He resigned after five seasons and two national titles. In so many words, he said he needed to get his priorities straight.

He will coach his final game at the Sugar Bowl against Cincinnati on New Year’s Day.

He leaves No. 5 Florida with a 56-10 record that includes a 32-8 mark in league play and a school-record 22-game winning streak that was snapped by the Crimson Tide in that SEC title game.

“I have given my heart and soul to coaching college football and mentoring young men for the last 24-plus years and I have dedicated most of my waking moments the last five years to the Gator football program,” Meyer said in a statement. “I have ignored my health for years, but recent developments have forced me to re-evaluate my priorities of faith and family.”

By leaving, Meyer walks away from a program that has become one of the jewels of college football and at a time when he is considered one of the best coaches in the nation.

Meyer had maintained he would never coach as long as Florida State’s Bobby Bowden or Penn State’s Joe Paterno. He planned to go long before anyone asked him to leave.

He probably didn’t expect it to end like this, though.

Meyer consulted with his family, doctors, school president Bernie Machen and athletic director Jeremy Foley before deciding it was in his best interest to focus on his health and family.

He has scheduled a news conference in New Orleans on Sunday afternoon.

“Coach Meyer and I have talked this through and I realize how hard this was for him to reach this decision,” Foley said. “But the bottom line is that Coach Meyer needed to make a choice that is in the best interest of his well-being and his family. I certainly appreciate what he has meant to the University of Florida, our football program and the Gator Nation. I have never seen anyone more committed to his players, his family and his program. Above all, I appreciate our friendship.”

Although reports quickly surfaced that Meyer was suffering from, among other things, a stroke and a defective heart muscle, a person close to Meyer said they were false. The person spoke on condition of anonymity out of respect for Meyer’s privacy.

“He just had a wake-up call,” the person said. “He got scared and realized he can’t do it anymore. His tank is empty.”

Last month, Sports Illustrated chronicled Meyer’s coaching career and reported that he suffered from persistent headaches caused by an arachnoid cyst that becomes inflamed by stress, rage and excitement.

Meyer told the magazine that since the diagnosis in the early 2000s he has tried to stay composed during games. Nonetheless, it didn’t prevent him from spending several hours in a Gainesville hospital following the 32-13 loss to Alabama.

“This wasn’t something that just happened last week or last month,” the person close to Meyer said. “This has been a long time in the making.”

News of Meyer’s retirement stunned his peers.

“He is a first-class coach, and the success he’s had is unmatched in our profession, especially over the last five years at Florida,” Alabama’s Nick Saban said. “We hope he is able to regain his health and have the opportunity to coach again in the future. Urban Meyer is a great person as well as a great coach, and the game of college football is better with him as a part of it.”

Said Bowden, who retired Dec. 1 after 34 years: “It’s a surprise to everybody. I hope he’s OK physically because he’s done as great a job at the University of Florida as has been done there, or anywhere else. I admire the way he handles himself and I really like his family. The college coaching profession will really miss him.”

A tireless recruiter and creative motivator, Meyer came to Florida from Utah in fall 2004 amid speculation he would end up at Notre Dame.

Meyer brought most of his staff with him — some of whom worked with him at Bowling Green (2001-02) and Utah (2003-04). Together, they restored the program to national prominence two years later with the school’s second national championship.

The Gators upset Ohio State 41-14 in Glendale, Ariz.; they won another one last January by beating Oklahoma 24-14 in Miami.

With just about his entire team returning this fall, Meyer spent all season coaching under intense pressure and sky-high expectations. He said he welcomed it all as the defending national champions tried to become just the second team in the last 14 years to repeat.

But the season was far from smooth. Florida dealt with distraction after distraction, prompting Meyer to call it “the year of stuff.”

It included preseason talk about perfection; flulike symptoms that ravaged the team; quarterback Tim Tebow’s concussion; linebacker Brandon Spikes’ eye-gouging incident; Meyer’s hefty fine for criticizing officials; defensive end Carlos Dunlap’s drunk-driving arrest; a few controversial calls; some close games; and what seemed to be a season-long offensive slump.

Indeed, the Gators went through just about everything in 2009. Still, the loss to Alabama was the most crushing blow — until this.

The Crimson Tide derailed Florida’s perfect season and left Meyer in the hospital. Team officials initially said he was treated and released for dehydration. But Meyer later acknowledged chest pains. Though he declined to talk much about his hospital stay, he said he needed to take better care of himself.

“He puts a lot on himself and he cares a lot and he takes a lot of the burden on himself,” Tebow said last week. “That’s something we talk about a lot. You’ve got to take care of yourself. Although we’re both very passionate, you can’t always let it all feel like everything is on your chest.”

Meyer is married with three children — the oldest recently started college at Georgia Tech — and has said repeatedly he planned to leave coaching to spend more time with his family. No one expected it to be this soon.

“He leaves a lasting legacy on the field, in the classroom and in the Gainesville community,” Machen said. “I am saddened that Urban is stepping down, but I have deep respect for his decision.”

Forbes.com: Follow your passion, even in retirement

Why Retirement Is Bad For You
Lounging by the beach isn't all it's cracked up to be--especially for entrepreneurs
by Dr. Steven Berglas

You cannot imagine how many times I've heard business builders lament: "By the time I'm able to smell the roses, I'll be too old to walk through the garden!"

Entrepreneurs should be so lucky. Here's what your recently retired buddies--those, that is, who can still afford retirement--slathering sun screen all over their balding pates don't know: Lying fallow erodes psychological health.

Martin Seligman, expert on the psychological origins of depression, detailed the ill effects of a life of R&R in his book, Helplessness: On Depression, Development, and Death. Studies show that men who retired from corporate jobs, donned their gold watches and lazed about at a resort lived measurably shorter lives than those who sought productive work (e.g., volunteering for organizations like SCORE, the Service Corps of Retired Executives). In fact, plenty of retirees who traded productive work for sunshine and early-bird dinners dropped dead surprisingly soon after making the transition.

Here's what's going on: Humans need challenges to replenish their sense of self-esteem. Without it, we feel impotent, vulnerable and helpless. Lack of self-esteem saps vitality, the kind that makes you feel like you can change the world--precisely the kind of energy entrepreneurs are suffused with when doing constructive things. Just as fish have to swim and birds have to fly, entrepreneurs have to build, improve and build again. Without that process, they--quite literally--die inside a little every day

I call this idleness-borne syndrome Supernova Burnout. Unlike other forms of fatigue, this brand of burnout is very private and self-condemnatory. Those who suffer from it experience chronic trepidation, despondency or depression. In some cases they turn to alcohol, abandon their loved ones or fall prey to some other form of self destruction.

The prescription for Supernova Burnout is pretty simple: action. A patient of mine name Carmine (real names have been disguised) can attest to that. The grandson of an Italian food importer from Tuscany, Carmine became one of the largest importers of Italian wine in North America. At age 52, he sold his 25-year-old business to the Seagram Co, making Carmine wealthy beyond his dreams.

And, yet, he had little psychic energy to sustain him. Both of his children were in college, and his wife was devoted to her job as an English teacher. A hard worker since his youth, Carmine never developed hobbies and had few interests apart from wine. His line when we first met: "I have a world-class case of seller's remorse." Soon enough, Carmine was frequenting strip clubs and fraternizing with the help. (One dancer even began calling him at home, at which point Carmine severed contact.)

Sexual conquests, of course, were no substitute for the rush Carmine got from running his business. Worse, his marriage was on the line. I told Carmine that work might well be the best medicine. Perhaps he should approach Seagram about a consulting gig. (After all, he still had a bevy of well-placed contacts with suppliers overseas.) The company leapt at the offer, and Carmine found the satisfaction he had been missing--and craving--for so long.

Carmine's tale is no outlier. Given all the pressures--from friends, family, colleagues and, not least, the media--to enjoy the fruits of their labor, ennui-plagued entrepreneurs are myriad, whether they know it or not.

A final warning about Supernova Burnout: As much as they love to rack up accomplishments, entrepreneurs love to burnish their legacies nearly as much. That may feel satisfying, but it doesn't deliver the same vitality that comes from shaking things up and tackling new challenges. As Ben Franklin put it: "When you are done changing, you are done."

Dr. Steven Berglas spent 25 years on the faculty of Harvard Medical School’s Department of Psychiatry. Today he coaches entrepreneurs, executives and other high-achievers. He can be reached at: drb@berglas.com.

Money is not security: see love, good, gospel, spirit

Why Do The Rich Keep Working?
Brett Nelson 05.23.06, 3:00 PM ET Forbes.com

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote: "Don't waste life in doubts and fears; spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours and ages that will follow it."

Peter followed that advice for much of his career, but today he might beg to differ with Emerson. ("Peter" is a pseudonym, but his story--and that of other wealthy workaholics--is very real.)

The son of a modest Texas farmer, Peter wanted a bigger, grander life than his father led, and he worked hard to get it. By age 30, he was running a regional bank and had a wife and two kids.

Over the next two decades, he moved his family 12 times--twice overseas. At 50, he was president of a large financial services firm in New York City. He owned a restored Georgian in a leafy suburb, a ski chalet in Telluride and a small compound in the Caribbean. He traveled for work incessantly, with limousines and Gulfstreams at his beck and call. His board connections led to bids at the most exclusive golf clubs. Peter had become a bona-fide world beater.

Then, one day, his wife of 30 years declared: "I don't love you anymore. I need a new life." His kids piled on, saying he'd never "been there" for them. After logging three-quarters of each year on the road, Peter realized he had no real friends to confide in. He got divorced, drank heavily and eventually left his job.

Peter's net worth had crossed the eight-figure mark years before his life unraveled. He could have hopped off the hamster wheel with plenty of time and riches to spare. And yet he kept running.

"[That behavior] is rampant," says psychologist Robert Mintz, founder of New Executive Strategies, a management consultancy in Short Hills, N.J. "It's the kind of thing people don't talk about--especially men."

Mintz has gotten a rare glimpse at the underbelly of tireless ambition. In 2000, after 20 years working with hundreds of multimillionaires as a human resources manager for Revlon (nyse: REV - news - people ), Pepsico (nyse: PEP - news - people ), Time Warner (nyse: TWX - news - people ) and Electronic Data Systems (nyse: EDS - news - people ), he left corporate life to finish his Ph.D. in psychology.

His dissertation dealt with the messy motivations of workaholic executives. As part of his research, Mintz conducted four-hour interviews with 25 execs, each worth between $5 million and $500 million. Some admitted that they had grown accustomed to the glittery perks of success: toys, praise, glory. But there were darker themes, too.

Some of the men craved the chance to keep proving themselves, perhaps to a doubting authority figure from their past. Others saw work as a getaway from a stale marriage. Still others said they wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they weren't working. More time with friends? Many of them had no close friends. Hobbies? You can only play so many rounds of golf. Travel? "They probably want to burn their passports," says Mintz.

What about raw greed? "In our culture, the accumulation of money is equated with--or more precisely, confused with--personal security and one's self-esteem," says Robert Katz, associate professor at New York University's postdoctoral program in psychotherapy and psychoanalysis. "My Wall Street patients seem to be driven by an unquestioned belief in the value of making money regardless of personal cost. Although this looks like greed, it is actually an attempt to feel secure."

Translation: The need to feel safe and secure swamps any perception of the financial security rich people already have.

The irony here is that, for many wealthy workaholics, hard work feels less stressful than sitting at home. "The thought of having to sit still [and deal with] their inner demons is terrifying," says Mintz. "Quiet is untenable."

As for bigwigs who get forced out, more than a few still keep personal offices and secretaries and take lunch at their same old haunts--if only to feel like they're still "in the game."

Women workaholics seem able to walk away more easily than men--and not just because they want to spend more time with their kids, notes psychologist Wanda Wallace, president of Leadership Forum, another management consultancy.

In 2004, Wallace surveyed 64 female senior executives at firms like Deutsche Bank (nyse: DB - news - people ) and PriceWaterhouseCoopers to explore how these women mustered the courage to leave corporate life. A big reason: "For women, it is socially acceptable to do something else," says Wallace. "It's hard for a guy to justify that he's going to run the nonprofit." Women also tend to maintain a broader base of contacts outside of work than men do, thus easing the transition.

To be sure, some wealthy workaholics really do enjoy their work. Yet "there is a difference between 'I love what I do' and 'I can't conceive of doing something else,' " says Peter White, vice chairman of U.S. Trust and former managing director at Citigroup's (nyse: C - news - people ) private bank. "One is a volunteer; the other is a prisoner."

As an adviser on personal issues of wealth, from philanthropic donations to family relationships, White has seen his share of prisoners--people who have accomplished everything but nevertheless are working very hard and wondering why. The disturbing answer: Work becomes a substitute for greater meaning in their lives.

"I had a guy come to me and say, 'I've got $40 million. Do you think it's enough?' " White recalls. "He meant, Was it enough to be happy and safe? The correct answer is no. You won't find [those things] with $4 billion. You're looking for 'enough' in the wrong place."

Even old Emerson would buy that.

How to be Happy in Business

Retweet @cooltweets June 15 2009

MIndfulness busts stress

Mindfulness training busts stress

• Story Highlights
• Yoga poses, breathing methods help workers cope with e-mails, work stresses
  
• Mindfulness is to pay attention to present and recognize sources of stress
  
• Body is always being rushed; mindfulness training emphasizes need to slow down
  

By Val Willingham
CNN Medical Producer

(CNN) -- "Just the facts" has always been Lillian Waugh's motto. A historian and former professor of women's studies at West Virginia University, Waugh is a stickler for facts and details. And because she was always the "go to" person at WVU, she was constantly in demand -- and busy.

Lillian Waugh says playing the cello is a mindfulness technique she practices.

"I was a multitasker at work," she said.

Waugh's job was so stressful it started to affect her health. So when the university began a study on how to handle stress at work, she jumped at the chance to participate.

The study included 103 participants. Half were given written instructions on how to handle stress at work; the others, including Waugh, were taught techniques to cultivate mindfulness, such as yoga poses, breathing methods, stretches and meditation -- all designed to help workers cope with too many e-mails, ringing phones and the occasional nasty co-worker.

Lead investigator Kimberly Williams said the goal was to relieve stress. "Mindfulness means to pay full attention to what you are doing, moment by moment," she said. "We taught them how to recognize sources of stress, how stress impacts them, and then what they could do to come out of the vicious cycle of stress reactivity."

The program lasted eight weeks and participants were followed for an additional three months. Williams said they found those who received the mindfulness training "had significantly less daily hassles, psychological distress and significantly fewer medical symptoms" -- like lower blood pressure and fewer aches and pains -- than those who were handed a pamphlet.

Waugh says she was thrilled to find that after practicing mindfulness techniques, the back pain that had plagued her for almost a decade went away. She also said she "communicated better with fellow employees and actually had a better attitude towards my job."

"The one thing I came away with was the ability to put myself in a place where I could gain perspective on everything I was doing at the moment," she said.

Mindfulness is not new. It goes back to the time of Buddha, who believed that the mind should always be fully in the present -- not looking back at the past or anticipating the future. Being mindful of the here-and-now, Buddha said, reduces stress and brings inner peace.

Today, mindfulness training involves learning to become aware of mind, body and emotions. Yoga, tai chi, and meditation all teach mindfulness.

Williams said the popularity of mindfulness techniques is a positive development, because when done correctly, the methods have been shown to "actually lift stress from your body."

Numerous studies have shown that stress can take its toll on the human body. "[Stress] increases your heart rate, your blood pressure and your respiration; you go into a state of hyper-arousal," said Williams. "And over the long-term, we internalize the response, which can lead to neck pain, back pain, digestive disorders, sleeplessness. ... And many people deal with those problems by overeating, drinking or smoking."

The mindfulness exercises in the WVU study included "deep tasting," where participants spent time eating a raisin: They looked at it, smelled it, and took small bites to savor the taste. "It brings an awareness to the body that normally is always being rushed," said Williams, who emphasized the need to slow down.

"If you give all of your attention to something, you get deeply touched by that experience," she said. "We all know what it's like to eat our favorite food: We slow down, we savor it, we take our time. And that is what makes it so enjoyable."

Study participants were also taught to breathe by taking deep breaths through the nose, feeling the air fill their lungs and exhaling fully. Williams said that with a couple of those breaths, not only does "your blood pressure go down, and you stay calm," but you can better handle annoying colleagues or situations. "You often can bring out the best in people if you stay calm and loving."

Health Library

• MayoClinic.com: Relaxation techniques
• MayoClinic.com: Meditation
• MayoClinic.com: Positive thinking

Along with the breathing techniques, participants were also taught how to meditate -- even at their desks. They were told to find a comfortable time, free of distractions, and quiet their mind.

According to the study, even 10 minutes of meditation can help. "[Meditation] can take the anxiety out of a stressful workday," said Williams.

West Virginia University is not the first -- or only -- institution in the country that has tested the effects of mindfulness techniques on stress. UCLA completed a study a few years ago that found the same thing the UWV study found: Mindfulness exercises are excellent stress-busters.

Other researchers are looking at ways to mitigate the dangerous side effects of stress by using mindfulness exercises. Yale University is recruiting patients for a smoking cessation study that includes a mindfulness training component. The six-week program will focus on learning mindfulness techniques to deal with stressors and triggers that cause people to light up.

For Waugh, mindfulness training was a life-saver. Although she is no longer a full-time professor, she still practices mindfulness and attends yoga classes every week. She also has gone back to playing the cello, another mindfulness exercise that soothes her soul. She said these methods have helped her stay healthy and improve her outlook on life -- and those are "just the facts."

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Positivity.org


If you're successful half the time, try doubling your efforts.

Build on the Good that you have now --- family, happy clients, whatever it is you have you love - make it better, build on your strength!

On a positive note I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. · ·

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. · ·

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. · · I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." · ·

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. · ·

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can,happiness will find you. · ·

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. · ·

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. · ·

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. · · I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. · ·

I've learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. · ·

I just did. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile. Note: People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but People will never forget how you made them feel... "

Positivity

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Positivity is a term popularized by journalist Albert Nerenberg to mean an emphasis on the positive in the face of the gloominess of the 21st Century. Nerenberg was surprised that officially, Positivity is not truly recognized as a word. The term was featured in a series published by the Montreal Gazette^[1], which featured new trends in culture and science which emphasized hope, intelligence, and human progress in face of war, fear and climate change. Also the term might simply be a calque or loan translation from the French positivité, something possible in a city like Montreal where language interference (English-French and French English) is a common occurrence.

PositivityBlog.Org

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
- Anais Nin

I think that one of the most effective ways to improve your life is simply to think in a more positive way.

This is of course nothing new and not that simple. If it was, well, then at least most of us would already be doing it.

So, why aren’t we more positive? I can think of a few reasonable reasons.

We think it is like it is - It´s easy to confuse what has happened to you, the story of your life, with now and the future. The past does not necessarily equal the future. If you believe it does then it does. But if you don´t if you believe it does then it doesn´t. If you change your way of thinking you can change your behaviour, habits and your life.

Social programming – A big reason many think that things are like they are and will always be that way is because no one ever told them that there was an alternative. The school, newspapers and other influential forces tells us we have a life and an identity that is us throughout our lives. And at least in much of the media, negativity is the normal filter to view the world through. We hear this every day when we are young and very impressionable. Then we continue believing it and it becomes a part of our sense of self. And we continue our lives on that path.

Lack of energy – Changing the many negative and neutral thoughts in our day to day life to positive ones can take quite a bit of energy. If you are stressed out by work and your personal life, if you aren´t eating and sleeping well and don´t take time to exercise there will be a lack of energy. And with that lack it´s easy to just feel too damn tired to change your thoughts, to just give up and revert to the familiar way of thinking.

Too reactive and mindful of what others may think – You may think, if I change and become more positive, what will other people say? That I´m weird, hyper, over-compensating or unhappy on the inside? Will they laugh, mock me and question this change in outlook on life? Or perhaps, they will actually like it and it will give me new opportunities down the line. Maybe it will bring success and my relatively comfortable life will be shaken up and change. Yeah, such thoughts can be some scary thoughts.

Lack of motivation –Not knowing exactly what´s in it for me on a personal and beneficial level.

Wanting to be right – Most of us have an ingrained sense that what we believe is right. Even though a belief we have might not be that useful. Or makes our lives out right miserable. It can be hard to give up a belief because then we have to give up being right.

We tried but failed (once or twice) – Throughout our lives, in school and society we are taught that we should not fail, that it is bad. This can make us very reluctant to take chances and keep trying beyond the initial attempt.

A lack of knowledge/too much disempowering information – You will most likely fail several times at first. You will make mistakes. You may be met with negativity or disinterest. It may take more than a weekend to get the success you envision. It may take longer than you think, perhaps months. And that is ok, that is normal.

Not knowing how the world (most of the time) works can discourage you. And the information about how the world works that you get from media, the people around you and society may not always be that accurate and effective. Instead, seek out relevant information for yourself to set your expectations to a reasonable level. Get information from a variety of different sources. And get it from people that have experience and knowledge about what you are interested in. A good starting point can be your local library, bookstore or amazon.com.

10 reasons why you should become more positive

1. You will create a better world around you as your surroundings will become affected and change due to your positive thoughts and actions.

2. You will make better first impressions. Everyone stereotypes, whether they want or not. A positive first impression can mean a lot in many situations and have a lasting effect throughout your relationship with that person.

3. You will focus on the good things in people. Not their faults. This will make things much better overall and improve all kinds of relationships.

4. It´s easier to become more productive when you stop laying obstacles in the middle of the road in the form of negative thoughts.

5. Work becomes more fun. Everything becomes more fun.

6. You become more attractive. People like positive people. Positive people make other people feel good about themselves and they don´t drag the mood down. Also, a positive attitude is an indicator – and source - of high self-confidence, a quality that just about everyone is attracted to.

7. Being negative has very little concrete advantages and is not a very empowering way to look at life.

8. It opens up your mind to focus on other ways of looking at things. Sometimes wonderful new ways you might not ever have thought about or experienced before.

9. It puts the Law of Attraction to better use. The Law of Attraction basically says: whatever you think about you attract into your life. As you replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts you will start to attract more positive opportunities and people into your life.

10. You´ll waste less time. Negativity can be like a self-feeding loop. First you think one negative thought. It leads you to three more. And then you start examining your life in deeper detail through a depressing lens. When you get into a vicious cycles like this it can eat up hours, weeks and years of your life. It can drain a lot of your energy whilst trapping you in paralysis by analysis. And you probably won´t become that much wiser in the process. As mentioned in the Where is you time really going?, we live for about 24-28 000 days. Don´t waste them.

The how to do it

“Between stimulus and response is the freedom to choose.”
- Viktor Frankl

The Positivity Challenge is this: For 7 days you will try to only think positive thoughts. Whatever happens to you will see the good side of it and what positive things you can learn and take away from it. By the end of the week you will have started to discover the very real benefits of a positive thinking, how much negative thoughts there are both in you and the world (you might be surprised) and begun establishing a new habit to replace your old, less constructive one. And then you can continue from there.

What I suggesting here is not a mindless kind of positive thinking where you pretend everything is ok whilst the house and your bed is actually on fire. Instead it’s you noticing a situation or stimuli and then choosing a positive and useful response to it instead of reacting in a knee-jerk way.

It´s you focusing on what could be a more positive and useful solution for you. Or even better, what could be a win-win situation if the situation involves other people (which many important situations in our lives do). A win-win solution is more often an even more satisfying and beneficial solution than the one where only you win.

Now, how to go about it? Here are three tips for the first week.

Cut the negative threads quickly. Only allow yourself to go on a negative thread of thought for a set time-period, perhaps 30 seconds or a minute. Then just cut it off, drop it and think about what positive things you can get out of this situation. Don´t feed the negative thoughts with more energy or you might trap your mind in a downward spiral for quite a while. If you start going down a negative thread of thought it is important to cut it fast.

Realise that it is possible to choose what you think about and how you react. You don´t have live your life in reaction. Being reactive to everything is not very empowering. You have a choice. But it might take some time to make this click in your mind. Even though I understood this intellectually pretty fast it took a longer time to understand and accept it emotionally and on a deeper level.

Focus on the gap between stimuli and reaction. The more you think about this and try to use it by consciously choosing, over time (for me it was months but it can surely be achieved quicker) the gap will appear larger and larger and that will make the process easier.

Accept your feelings, don´t deny or refuse them – Although it´s often possible to just quickly cut off negative thoughts sometimes it might not be enough. Negative emotions can build up within you over time or you might feel be overwhelmed by a certain situation. Then you can try the counter-intuitive way and not keep the feeling out by fighting it.

Instead, accept the feeling. Say yes to it. Surrender and let it in.

Observe the feeling in your mind and body without judging it. If you just let it in and observe it for maybe a minute or two something wonderful happens. The feeling just vanishes. It sounds weird but give it a try.

In addition, here´s a bunch of other suggestions – some of them you might not be able to use fully within a week but instead over a longer time-span - to make this challenge easier and improve your life.

Get the physical fundamentals down. If you don´t have time to sleep a healthy amount of hours, eat properly and get exercise then you need to reprioritize. If you don´t do this it will be harder to become and stay positive. If you do reprioritize, your general sense of well-being will increase, you will feel stronger and have more energy. Use Where is your really time going? and Prioritize with the Pareto Principle to make better use of your time. Decrease stress using those two articles and the rest in the series How to double your productivity. Also, check out this simple way to feel really relaxed.

Act as if. Smile to feel happier. Move slower to relax. Use positive language. Act as if you are a positive person and you will start to feel and become more positive. It might feel weird at first, but it really works.

Start your day in a better way. Check out these five tips for a better beginning to your day.

Limit your time with really negative people – Some people feed on negative energy and whatever you try it never pleases them or changes their sour minds and moods. If nothing you do works then finally you might have to cut them out of your life or at least limit your time with them.

Model positive people. Find positive people in your surroundings or anywhere in time and space (through documentaries, biographies etc.) and learn from them. Find out how they handle everyday life, problems, setbacks and compare it to your own thoughts and how you would handle similar situations.

Focus on the now and future, not the past. A lot of people spend a lot of time thinking about on the mistakes they made in past. A better way is to think about the mistake you made and what you can learn from it. Then stop wasting your time and shift your focus to the present and the future where you can actually make a change.

Redefine “failure” and “proof”. You don´t have to learn much about successful people to realize that one of their key-strengths is that their way of looking at failure is widely different from more common one in society. As Michael Jordan said:

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Also, in a similar vain, thinking one example represents the whole world might not be the most helpful belief to hold. Yes, someone may have cheated on you, treated you badly at work before you were fired and your first business venture may have gone down in flames. But applying one or two bad examples to the whole world and the rest of your life will cause suffering for you long after those hurtful events happened. And could set you up for even more pain and disappointment through self-fulfilling prophecies and the Law of Attraction.

I don´t think these all these words are the truth about how the world around you and me works. Just as a pessimistic (or realistic) view of the world is not the truth either. I don´t believe there is one truth, but rather that the world changes due to the beliefs you have about it and the actions you take based on your beliefs. I do believe that this is a more useful model of how to view and interact with the world than a pessimistic one and that it´s a more enjoyable way of thinking. It is a way of thinking that increases happiness and joy in life. Something I think just about everyone wants.

“Though I might travel afar, I will meet only what I carry with me,
for every man is a mirror.
We see only ourselves reflected in those around us.
Their attitudes and actions are only a reflection of our own.
The whole world and its condition has its counterparts within us all.
Turn the gaze inward. Correct yourself and your world will change.”
- Kirsten Zambucka

Be your best

This poem helped me stop worrying and get to work in Argentina:

Be the Best of Whatever You Are

If you can't be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley, but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill,
Be a bush if you can't be a tree,
If you can't be a bush be a bit of grass,
And some highway happier make;
If you can't be a muskiek, then just be a bass,
But the liveliest bass in the lake!
We can't all be captains, we've got to be crew,
There's something for all of us here,
There's big work to do and there's lesser to do,
And the task we must do is the near.
If you can't be a highway then just be a trail,
If you can't be the sun, be a star;
It isn't by the size that you win or fail,
Be the best of whatever you are!

-Douglas Mallech

Elder Ballard: Learning the Lessons of the Past

Learning the Lessons of the Past

Elder M. Russell Ballard
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Learning the lessons of the past allows you to build personal testimony on a solid bedrock of obedience, faith, and the witness of the Spirit.

We live in a fascinating and sometimes bewildering time. The other day I mentioned to one of my grandsons that I was going over the text of my conference talk. His face reflected his confusion. “You’re going to text your conference talk?” he asked. “I thought you had to give it in the Conference Center.”

While for some, texting would be easier, I’m grateful for this opportunity today to speak because I have a message I feel is important for that grandson and for my other grandchildren as well as for all of the youth of the Church.

Years ago when I was in business, I learned a very expensive lesson because I did not listen carefully to the counsel of my father, nor did I heed the promptings of the Spirit giving me guidance from my Heavenly Father. My father and I were in the automobile business, and the Ford Motor Company was looking for dealers to sell their new line of cars. Ford executives invited my father and me to a preview showing of what they thought would be a spectacularly successful product. When we saw the cars, my father, who had over 35 years experience in the business, cautioned me about becoming a dealer. However, the Ford sales personnel were very persuasive, and I chose to become Salt Lake City’s first—and actually last—Edsel dealer. And if you don’t know what an Edsel is, ask your grandpa. He will tell you that the Edsel was a spectacular failure.

Now, there’s a powerful lesson for all of you in this experience. When you are willing to listen and learn, some of life’s most meaningful teachings come from those who have gone before you. They have walked where you are walking and have experienced many of the things you are experiencing. If you listen and respond to their counsel, they can help guide you toward choices that will be for your benefit and blessing and steer you away from decisions that can destroy you. As you look to your parents and others who have gone before you, you will find examples of faith, commitment, hard work, dedication, and sacrifice that you should strive to duplicate.

It’s hard to imagine a scenario in which it would not be worthwhile to consider and learn from the experience of others. Many professions require internships, during which aspiring professionals shadow seasoned veterans to learn from their years of experience and accumulated wisdom. Rookies in professional sports are often expected to sit on the bench and learn by watching experienced players. New missionaries are assigned to work with a senior companion whose experience helps the new missionary learn the right way to effectively serve the Lord.

Of course, there are times when we have no choice but to venture out on our own and do the best we can at figuring things out as we go along. For example, there are not a lot of people in my generation whose experience can help when it comes to the most modern of technologies. When we have problems with modern technology, we must look for someone who knows more about it than we do—which usually means turning to one of you young people.

It is my message and testimony to you today, my young friends, that for the most important questions of your eternal lives, there are answers in the scriptures and in the words and testimonies of apostles and prophets. The fact that these words come largely from older men, past and present, doesn’t make them any less relevant. In fact, it makes their words even more valuable to you because they come from those who have learned much through years of devout living.

There is a famous saying attributed to George Santayana. You’ve probably heard it: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it” (in John Bartlett, comp., Familiar Quotations, 15th ed. [1980], 703). There are, in fact, several different variations of this quote, including “Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it.” Regardless of the exact language, the sentiment is profound. There are great lessons to be learned from the past, and you ought to learn them so that you don’t exhaust your spiritual strength repeating past mistakes and bad choices.

You don’t have to be a Latter-day Saint—you don’t even have to be religious—to see the repeating pattern of history in the lives of God’s children as recorded in the Old Testament. Time and again we see the cycle of righteousness followed by wickedness. Similarly, the Book of Mormon records that ancient civilizations of this continent followed exactly the same pattern: righteousness followed by prosperity, followed by material comforts, followed by greed, followed by pride, followed by wickedness and a collapse of morality until the people brought calamities upon themselves sufficient to stir them up to humility, repentance, and change.

In the relatively short span of years covered by the New Testament, the historic pattern repeats itself again. This time the people turned against Christ and His Apostles. The collapse was so great we have come to know it as the Great Apostasy, which led to the centuries of spiritual stagnation and ignorance called the Dark Ages.

Now, I need to be very clear about these historically reoccurring periods of apostasy and spiritual darkness. Our Heavenly Father loves all of His children, and He wants them all to have the blessings of the gospel in their lives. Spiritual light is not lost because God turns His back on His children. Rather, spiritual darkness results when His children turn their collective backs on Him. It is a natural consequence of bad choices made by individuals, communities, countries, and entire civilizations. This has been proven again and again throughout the course of time. One of the great lessons of this historical pattern is that our choices, both individually and collectively, do result in spiritual consequences for ourselves and for our posterity.

In every dispensation, God’s loving desire to bless His children is manifest in the miraculous restoration of the gospel truth to the earth through living prophets. The Restoration of the gospel through the Prophet Joseph Smith in the early 1800s is only the most recent example. Similar restorations were accomplished in earlier times through such prophets as Noah, Abraham, Moses, and, of course, the Lord Jesus Christ Himself.

The 179 years that have passed since The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was officially organized have been extraordinary by any measure. Never in recorded history has there been a period of such remarkable progress in terms of science and technology. These advances have helped to facilitate gospel growth and expansion throughout the world. But they have also contributed to the rise of materialism and self-indulgence and to the decline of morality.

We live in an era when the boundaries of good taste and public decency are being pushed to the point where there are no boundaries at all. The commandments of God have taken a beating in the vacillating marketplace of ideas that absolutely rejects the notion of right and wrong. Certain factions of society seem generally mistrustful of anyone who chooses to live according to religious belief. And when people of faith attempt to warn others of the possible consequences of their sinful choices, they are scoffed at and ridiculed, and their most sacred rites and cherished values are publicly mocked.

Does any of this sound familiar, my young brothers and sisters? Do you see the historical pattern emerging again—the pattern of righteousness followed by prosperity, followed by material comforts, followed by greed, followed by pride, followed by wickedness and a collapse of morality—the same pattern we’ve seen again and again within the pages of the Old and New Testaments and the Book of Mormon? More importantly, what impact will the lessons of the past have on the personal choices you make right now and for the rest of your lives?

The voice of the Lord is clear and unmistakable. He knows you. He loves you. He wants you to be eternally happy. But according to your God-given agency, the choice is yours. Each one of you has to decide for yourself if you are going to ignore the past and suffer the painful mistakes and tragic pitfalls that have befallen previous generations, experiencing for yourself the devastating consequences of bad choices. How much better your life will be if you will follow the noble example of the faithful followers of Christ such as the sons of Helaman, Moroni, Joseph Smith, and the stalwart pioneers—and choose, as they did, to remain faithful to your Heavenly Father’s commandments.

With all my heart I hope and pray that you will be wise enough to learn the lessons of the past. You don’t have to spend time as a Laman or a Lemuel in order to know that it’s much better to be a Nephi or a Jacob. You don’t have to follow the path of Cain or Gadianton in order to realize that “wickedness never was happiness” (Alma 41:10). And you don’t have to allow your community to become like Sodom or Gomorrah in order to understand that it isn’t a good place to raise a family.

Learning the lessons of the past allows you to walk boldly in the light without running the risk of stumbling in the darkness. This is the way it’s supposed to work. This is God’s plan: father and mother, grandfather and grandmother teaching their children; children learning from them and then becoming a more righteous generation through their own personal experiences and opportunities. Learning the lessons of the past allows you to build personal testimony on a solid bedrock of obedience, faith, and the witness of the Spirit.

Of course, it’s not enough to learn these lessons as a matter of history and culture. Learning the names and dates and sequence of events from the printed page won’t help you very much unless the meaning and the message are written in your hearts. Nourished by testimony and watered with faith, the lessons of the past can take root in your hearts and become a vibrant part of who you are.

And so it returns, as it always does, to your own personal faith and testimony. That is the difference-maker, my young brothers and sisters. That is how you know. That is how you avoid the mistakes of the past and take your spirituality to the next level. If you are open and receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit in your lives, you will understand the lessons of the past, and they will be burned into your souls by the power of your testimonies.

And how do you get such a testimony? Well, there’s no new technology for that, nor will there ever be. You cannot do a Google search to gain a testimony. You can’t text message faith. You gain a vibrant, life-changing testimony today the same way it has always been done. The process hasn’t been changed. It comes through desire, study, prayer, obedience, and service. That is why the teachings of prophets and apostles, past and present, are as relevant to your life today as they ever have been.

That you may find joy and happiness and peace in the future by learning the great and eternal lessons of the past is my prayer for each of you—for my grandchildren and all of the youth of the Church, wherever you may be—which I offer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Positivity.org

If you're successful half the time, try doubling your efforts.

Build on the Good that you have now --- family, happy clients, whatever it is you have you love - make it better, build on your strength!

On a positive note I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. · ·

I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. · ·

I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life. · · I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." · ·

I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. · ·

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can,happiness will find you. · ·

I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. · ·

I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. · ·

I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. · · I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. · ·

I've learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. · ·

I just did. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile. Note: People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but People will never forget how you made them feel... "

Positivity

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Positivity is a term popularized by journalist Albert Nerenberg to mean an emphasis on the positive in the face of the gloominess of the 21st Century. Nerenberg was surprised that officially, Positivity is not truly recognized as a word. The term was featured in a series published by the Montreal Gazette^[1], which featured new trends in culture and science which emphasized hope, intelligence, and human progress in face of war, fear and climate change. Also the term might simply be a calque or loan translation from the French positivité, something possible in a city like Montreal where language interference (English-French and French English) is a common occurrence.

PositivityBlog.Org

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
- Anais Nin

I think that one of the most effective ways to improve your life is simply to think in a more positive way.

This is of course nothing new and not that simple. If it was, well, then at least most of us would already be doing it.

So, why aren’t we more positive? I can think of a few reasonable reasons.

We think it is like it is - It´s easy to confuse what has happened to you, the story of your life, with now and the future. The past does not necessarily equal the future. If you believe it does then it does. But if you don´t if you believe it does then it doesn´t. If you change your way of thinking you can change your behaviour, habits and your life.

Social programming – A big reason many think that things are like they are and will always be that way is because no one ever told them that there was an alternative. The school, newspapers and other influential forces tells us we have a life and an identity that is us throughout our lives. And at least in much of the media, negativity is the normal filter to view the world through. We hear this every day when we are young and very impressionable. Then we continue believing it and it becomes a part of our sense of self. And we continue our lives on that path.

Lack of energy – Changing the many negative and neutral thoughts in our day to day life to positive ones can take quite a bit of energy. If you are stressed out by work and your personal life, if you aren´t eating and sleeping well and don´t take time to exercise there will be a lack of energy. And with that lack it´s easy to just feel too damn tired to change your thoughts, to just give up and revert to the familiar way of thinking.

Too reactive and mindful of what others may think – You may think, if I change and become more positive, what will other people say? That I´m weird, hyper, over-compensating or unhappy on the inside? Will they laugh, mock me and question this change in outlook on life? Or perhaps, they will actually like it and it will give me new opportunities down the line. Maybe it will bring success and my relatively comfortable life will be shaken up and change. Yeah, such thoughts can be some scary thoughts.

Lack of motivation –Not knowing exactly what´s in it for me on a personal and beneficial level.

Wanting to be right – Most of us have an ingrained sense that what we believe is right. Even though a belief we have might not be that useful. Or makes our lives out right miserable. It can be hard to give up a belief because then we have to give up being right.

We tried but failed (once or twice) – Throughout our lives, in school and society we are taught that we should not fail, that it is bad. This can make us very reluctant to take chances and keep trying beyond the initial attempt.

A lack of knowledge/too much disempowering information – You will most likely fail several times at first. You will make mistakes. You may be met with negativity or disinterest. It may take more than a weekend to get the success you envision. It may take longer than you think, perhaps months. And that is ok, that is normal.

Not knowing how the world (most of the time) works can discourage you. And the information about how the world works that you get from media, the people around you and society may not always be that accurate and effective. Instead, seek out relevant information for yourself to set your expectations to a reasonable level. Get information from a variety of different sources. And get it from people that have experience and knowledge about what you are interested in. A good starting point can be your local library, bookstore or amazon.com.

10 reasons why you should become more positive

1. You will create a better world around you as your surroundings will become affected and change due to your positive thoughts and actions.

2. You will make better first impressions. Everyone stereotypes, whether they want or not. A positive first impression can mean a lot in many situations and have a lasting effect throughout your relationship with that person.

3. You will focus on the good things in people. Not their faults. This will make things much better overall and improve all kinds of relationships.

4. It´s easier to become more productive when you stop laying obstacles in the middle of the road in the form of negative thoughts.

5. Work becomes more fun. Everything becomes more fun.

6. You become more attractive. People like positive people. Positive people make other people feel good about themselves and they don´t drag the mood down. Also, a positive attitude is an indicator – and source - of high self-confidence, a quality that just about everyone is attracted to.

7. Being negative has very little concrete advantages and is not a very empowering way to look at life.

8. It opens up your mind to focus on other ways of looking at things. Sometimes wonderful new ways you might not ever have thought about or experienced before.

9. It puts the Law of Attraction to better use. The Law of Attraction basically says: whatever you think about you attract into your life. As you replace the negative thoughts with positive thoughts you will start to attract more positive opportunities and people into your life.

10. You´ll waste less time. Negativity can be like a self-feeding loop. First you think one negative thought. It leads you to three more. And then you start examining your life in deeper detail through a depressing lens. When you get into a vicious cycles like this it can eat up hours, weeks and years of your life. It can drain a lot of your energy whilst trapping you in paralysis by analysis. And you probably won´t become that much wiser in the process. As mentioned in the Where is you time really going?, we live for about 24-28 000 days. Don´t waste them.

The how to do it

“Between stimulus and response is the freedom to choose.”
- Viktor Frankl

The Positivity Challenge is this: For 7 days you will try to only think positive thoughts. Whatever happens to you will see the good side of it and what positive things you can learn and take away from it. By the end of the week you will have started to discover the very real benefits of a positive thinking, how much negative thoughts there are both in you and the world (you might be surprised) and begun establishing a new habit to replace your old, less constructive one. And then you can continue from there.

What I suggesting here is not a mindless kind of positive thinking where you pretend everything is ok whilst the house and your bed is actually on fire. Instead it’s you noticing a situation or stimuli and then choosing a positive and useful response to it instead of reacting in a knee-jerk way.

It´s you focusing on what could be a more positive and useful solution for you. Or even better, what could be a win-win situation if the situation involves other people (which many important situations in our lives do). A win-win solution is more often an even more satisfying and beneficial solution than the one where only you win.

Now, how to go about it? Here are three tips for the first week.

Cut the negative threads quickly. Only allow yourself to go on a negative thread of thought for a set time-period, perhaps 30 seconds or a minute. Then just cut it off, drop it and think about what positive things you can get out of this situation. Don´t feed the negative thoughts with more energy or you might trap your mind in a downward spiral for quite a while. If you start going down a negative thread of thought it is important to cut it fast.

Realise that it is possible to choose what you think about and how you react. You don´t have live your life in reaction. Being reactive to everything is not very empowering. You have a choice. But it might take some time to make this click in your mind. Even though I understood this intellectually pretty fast it took a longer time to understand and accept it emotionally and on a deeper level.

Focus on the gap between stimuli and reaction. The more you think about this and try to use it by consciously choosing, over time (for me it was months but it can surely be achieved quicker) the gap will appear larger and larger and that will make the process easier.

Accept your feelings, don´t deny or refuse them – Although it´s often possible to just quickly cut off negative thoughts sometimes it might not be enough. Negative emotions can build up within you over time or you might feel be overwhelmed by a certain situation. Then you can try the counter-intuitive way and not keep the feeling out by fighting it.

Instead, accept the feeling. Say yes to it. Surrender and let it in.

Observe the feeling in your mind and body without judging it. If you just let it in and observe it for maybe a minute or two something wonderful happens. The feeling just vanishes. It sounds weird but give it a try.

In addition, here´s a bunch of other suggestions – some of them you might not be able to use fully within a week but instead over a longer time-span - to make this challenge easier and improve your life.

Get the physical fundamentals down. If you don´t have time to sleep a healthy amount of hours, eat properly and get exercise then you need to reprioritize. If you don´t do this it will be harder to become and stay positive. If you do reprioritize, your general sense of well-being will increase, you will feel stronger and have more energy. Use Where is your really time going? and Prioritize with the Pareto Principle to make better use of your time. Decrease stress using those two articles and the rest in the series How to double your productivity. Also, check out this simple way to feel really relaxed.

Act as if. Smile to feel happier. Move slower to relax. Use positive language. Act as if you are a positive person and you will start to feel and become more positive. It might feel weird at first, but it really works.

Start your day in a better way. Check out these five tips for a better beginning to your day.

Limit your time with really negative people – Some people feed on negative energy and whatever you try it never pleases them or changes their sour minds and moods. If nothing you do works then finally you might have to cut them out of your life or at least limit your time with them.

Model positive people. Find positive people in your surroundings or anywhere in time and space (through documentaries, biographies etc.) and learn from them. Find out how they handle everyday life, problems, setbacks and compare it to your own thoughts and how you would handle similar situations.

Focus on the now and future, not the past. A lot of people spend a lot of time thinking about on the mistakes they made in past. A better way is to think about the mistake you made and what you can learn from it. Then stop wasting your time and shift your focus to the present and the future where you can actually make a change.

Redefine “failure” and “proof”. You don´t have to learn much about successful people to realize that one of their key-strengths is that their way of looking at failure is widely different from more common one in society. As Michael Jordan said:

“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

Also, in a similar vain, thinking one example represents the whole world might not be the most helpful belief to hold. Yes, someone may have cheated on you, treated you badly at work before you were fired and your first business venture may have gone down in flames. But applying one or two bad examples to the whole world and the rest of your life will cause suffering for you long after those hurtful events happened. And could set you up for even more pain and disappointment through self-fulfilling prophecies and the Law of Attraction.

I don´t think these all these words are the truth about how the world around you and me works. Just as a pessimistic (or realistic) view of the world is not the truth either. I don´t believe there is one truth, but rather that the world changes due to the beliefs you have about it and the actions you take based on your beliefs. I do believe that this is a more useful model of how to view and interact with the world than a pessimistic one and that it´s a more enjoyable way of thinking. It is a way of thinking that increases happiness and joy in life. Something I think just about everyone wants.

“Though I might travel afar, I will meet only what I carry with me,
for every man is a mirror.
We see only ourselves reflected in those around us.
Their attitudes and actions are only a reflection of our own.
The whole world and its condition has its counterparts within us all.
Turn the gaze inward. Correct yourself and your world will change.”
- Kirsten Zambucka

It is Okay to Lose, better to Lose and win life everlasting

It is okay to lose:

Moroni 7:43: Lose and you shall win

43 And again, behold I say unto you that he cannot have faith and hope, save he shall be ^ameek, and lowly of heart.

Sometimes you Lose

Winning is a part of my DNA. My over-competitiveness is a liability when I am unable to relate to others who are suffering set-backs. When I am not winning I am bored. I get frustrated when others do not share my vision of efficiency and excellence.

In medschool people like me were called "gunners" because they would shoot others down.

Obviously I can do better. I need compassion, love, patience, understanding, and a willingness to see life in a better light.

I have found this patience through losing. I have recently lost a discussion with the entire surgery center about how a time-out should be done when starting surgery. I have lost the past 3 years trying to negotiate a business purchase for my practice (there is still hope we can work things out). I started 2 businesses the past 3 years that failed (Eye Ventures in advertising, Eye Ventures in equipment, Eye Ventures 40 websites that aren't producing traffic).

I choose to lose when the personal cost of a friendship is too high. I choose to lose when my ethics are in jeopardy and I need to let my morals win. I choose to lose when my family time is jeopardized.


I took donuts to the staff at the surgery center today on my return to show them I was okay with losing. I am over the loss, and I am sorry I made them feel poorly for them ganging up on me, I am sure they felt it necessary for a better way of patient care, which I felt unnecessary.


Here is a list of scriptural accounts of those who felt loss, who actually lost, who were losers at something:
Jonah: ran away from God into a whale!
Nephi: lamented his weakness (2 Ne 4)
broke his bow
brothers ran away in Promised Land
tied up by brothers on the ship he built
Peter the Rock, denied the Savior 3 times
Road to Emmaus didn't know it was the Savior
Oliver Cowdery Had a hard time translating
Martin Harris Lost 116 pages of ancient scripture history of Book of Mormon
Joseph Smith Rebuked by Lord for losing manuscript
Phelps Left the church and came back
Brigham Young Adam-God Theory - what was that?
Pres. Hinckley The Salamander Letters were a fake, hard to know that
Steve Young Played football on Sundays
Dave Woods Too many to list

It is okay to lose sometimes. Try your best, win when you can, but don't get too over anxious if you're human. Don't keep chronically making the same bad decision - get a 12 step program or something, but it's normal to have failure. Failure means you're trying to do something. We fail always before we succeed.



Losing can be good for you

Think of the Nephite Cycle
Prosperity, Pride, Wickedness --> Fall, humility, repentance, love, charity, kindness
Nephites in bondage, Mosiah 20's, to wicked king Noah, repented and were all baptized and freed.

Think of Moroni
Bad in writing Ether 12:20's
Ether 12:27 --> humility brings us to be strengthened by the Lord

Sometimes you Lose

This is a great idea for a book. How do you deal with getting the short end. How do you bounce back. You are given a decision that is wrong, not good, you don't agree with it, may be bad for the company, etc., but you need the job. You need to get along and stay positive in that environment. You are extremely competitive but you lost this round.

Just remember: sometimes you lose. It's okay. You lost this round. Everybody is a good person you work with, they may be wrong and that is okay. Your best interest lies in getting along, being productive, taking care of your family and loved ones, succeeding long term - give up this round. It's okay. It's a 12 round fight. This fight might be only training for the next fight, career, or day.

An Indian proverb states, "When a pickpocket meets a Saint all he sees are the pockets."

Simplify Your Work Life

Simplify Your Work Life

by Elaine St. James

The author puts together a nice collection of strategies to avoid being or feeling frenzied in life, and rebuild a sense of direction or purpose through decisive trimming of ones focus or activities.
Sect.1: Cutting back on the amount of time you work
-- take a sabbatical, --take time to think, --
Sect.2: Learning to seize time
-- get a jump on tomorrow, --summarize and review your night, --, let your subconscious solve your hard problems for you while you sleep and write down the answers in the morning,
-- learn to schedule carefully, -- put an extra day in your vacation, -- learn to grasp information quickly, --get organized, -- make decisions quickly, -- body testing techniquie 'go through the doors'
Sect. 3: Being more productive
-- eliminate distractions, --set apart productivity time, -- bring your full attention to work, -- take your lunch break, take naps if necessary, --when you're overwhelmed stop, stop all day if necessary and you have the courage, you will make up the time later easily once effective. --
-- work with an inner smile (don't let it show, but use it outwardly when necessary when faced with something negative, daunting, suddenly surprising, or risk-bearing.
-- stop procrastinating to to challenge yourself, just get it done, -- employ all your senses.
-- day dream with intention to employ your subconscious in solving a difficult problem (Einstein's technique),
-- give yourself a thump for more energy, alertness --> pinch 2nd rib, sternum, tap thymus while breathing deeply
-- put your subconscious to work while you sleep
--get a life: nature, service, recycle, contribute, theatre or arts, hobby, sleep well, have fun.

Sect. 4: Being more effective with People
-- speak up: coach others how to treat you so you can have your space, efficiency, priorities met, etc.
--Learn boundary setting guidelines: "No thanks", "get back to you later on that", "find a good time to discuss . . . ", should be casually able to discuss your boundaries,
-- find out why you say yes to people . . . does it make sense for your priorities too?
-- ask people not to ask before they ask you.
--work effectively with your boss: your boss cares about 20% of your activities the most, but you may spend 80% of time doing other things. why not find out what the 20% is and focus and improve on it the most?
-- avoid negative speaking about any person, it puts you in a bad light no matter what or with whom.
-- breathe into it: to relax stress, tension, or headache, breathe out while you focus on the tense spot and it will de-stress.
Sect. 5: Being more efficient with your money
-- live beneath your means, save 20%, reinvest earnings into the principal, -- realize that people are not their belongings, clothes, or property.
Sect. 6: Changing the Way you Work
-- find a friendly work place, --cut down on your hours or convince your boss on telecommuting,
Sect. 7: Changing the Way you think about Work
-- avoid long commutes at all costs. a 1 hour commute daily is 3 years of your life lost over 40 years.

I liked this book because it puts you in control of your decisions. It helps you regain self-confidence and tells you where you got sold down the river to be in your current mess of a miserable life. Who needs a miserable life? Who wants other people to control their happiness? Decide to build your own. Take control now so years later your life is under your direction. You will always have to manage complexity and risk, but do it under your terms, maximizing your talents and passions in the way you desire and is rewarding for you. This may require some sacrifice, effort, patience to get there, but decide now that it is possible, and you will immediately start cutting back others disorganization and chaos.